I wasn’t expecting to leave this much of a gap between updates on my pregnancy but let me explain why. Everything is fine, baby is growing fine. Week 4 – 14 was pretty hellish, I constantly felt sick, had no energy, even had to have time off work and generally felt rubbish the entire time. I struggled to get anything done, even simple things like doing a load of washing was such an effort and things basically went to shit.
The house was a mess and I had no energy to deal with it, what little energy I did have was spent on work and making sure the kids needs were met. I constantly wanted to sleep, constantly wanted to eat and constantly wanted to throw up. So, first trimester wasn’t fun. Definitely the worst of all of my pregnancies. I stopped doing anything creative, no energy to even play games, hence why I haven’t posted anything on here until now. Thankfully I don’t feel as sick or tired anymore, I still struggle with fatigue as the day goes on but I can usually last without taking a nap now.
My tummy is already huge which is causing my lower back to hurt fairly easily, doing housework I regularly just have to stop and lean on something to give my back a break. Today has actually been the first time in weeks that I’ve managed to get any decent housework done, which has made me feel better but consequently now I’m pretty sore.
I’ve had to see a special consultant because my BMI is over 35 and they basically told me I can’t gain any extra weight through the rest of my pregnancy. I struggle enough as it is when I’m not pregnant to maintain my weight, but with cravings flying all over this really is going to be a challenge. One I’ve accepted. Generally since being pregnant this time I’m eating way less chocolate and take-aways than before, but I’m still gaining weight. Now I’m out of the “I must constantly eat or I’m going to be sick” stage, it should be easier to actually control more of what I’m eating. I’m making a real effort to switch the fizzy drinks for water, weirdly enough water made me feel sick in first trimester.
Anyway onto baby, we had our first scan at 12 weeks and everything looked fine, had my blood results back and no concerns there either, low risk for everything, may it continue. We also had a private scan last week to find out the gender and we are having girl number 4! I wouldn’t have minded either way but another girl would have been my preference, I’m very happy and excited to meet this little one.
Now I’m feeling a bit more back to myself I WILL update here more often than every couple of months, much love. Xx
Well here is a blog post I’m not sure I ever thought I’d be writing. I am currently expecting my 4th child! Crazy. I wasn’t sure about actually posting these updates at the time of writing them, or if I was going to wait and do it as a big bulk post after the 12 week scan and everything (hopefully) is fine. As if somehow it will jinx this pregnancy by telling people I’m pregnant before the first scan, I’m pretty sure what’s going to happen will happen regardless of who I tell or don’t tell. So here we are. This is my 4th pregnancy, I have 3 (sometimes) lovely girls already. Here’s betting for another girl, but seriously, I know every expecting mum says this but as long as the baby is healthy and arrives safely I couldn’t give a rats ass if it has a pee pee or a front butt. I will still hear the “Of course you must want a boy after having 3 girls, will you be disappointed if it’s not?” Why? No, seriously, just stop.
Symptoms so far have been the usual, constant weird taste in my mouth, if I go more than 2-3 hours without eating anything I feel sick. Sore boobs, achy (sometimes crampy) womb. Pretty much apart from the taste, it just feels like I’m about to start my period, which can be quite scary as well. Feeling sick is as reassuring as it is annoying right now. My vision has been more blurry than usual, even with my glasses on, maybe just time for another eye test. I’ve obviously had to come off of my AD medication, a month or so before we even started trying just to be safe, and so far it’s been a positive thing as worried as I was about not having them. My moods are still very up and down but I haven’t felt really “depressed” in a while now, I’ve even got back some of my creative motivation and started writing again and streaming on Twitch. I think generally being pregnant and having a mental illness can wait for its own separate blog post. I’ve even got some emotion back and find myself tearing up over silly things again like I used to, surprisingly it feels nice.
I’ll probably post another update blog in a couple of weeks or so. xxx
Just a Dream
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
Velvet dozily rolled over in bed and reached an arm out towards her iPhone laying on the beside table somewhere in that direction. Squinting an eye open she managed to hit snooze. Drifting straight back off to sleep, the dead woman swung viciously from the tree, dripping wet. Her eyes opened and she glared at Velvet, screaming.
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
Velvet bolted upright in bed with a start, breathing heavily. Taking a few seconds to gather herself, she reached over and this time pushed the Stop button on the phone alarm. Using both hands to push her long, rather tangled dark blonde hair from her face, she sat in silence trying to recap on the dream from last night. Shrugging it off as a result of watching The Ring before falling asleep, she braided her hair loosely over one shoulder and slid out of bed. Her nipples quickly stiffened in the cool November air as she made a dash for the fluffy dressing gown draped over the back of her computer chair and snuggled it around her naked body. Slipping her bare feet in to her favourite Pikachu slippers, she made her way downstairs to start brewing some urgently needed coffee.
“Well, good morning sweet cheeks.” One of Velvet’s room mates, Tobey, greeted her with a sly smile and appeared to have already brewed up some coffee, holding out a cup for her.
“Good morning Tobey,” she replied returning the smile his way. “You saw my ass one time ‘cos you walked in on me taking a shower, time to stop calling me that.” She took the warm mug from him, held it with both hands and took a deep breath from the top. “Mmmmmmm, you do make good coffee though,” she took a sip and gave him another smile, this one more genuine.
“Rough night sleep Vel? Not that I’m insinuating you look rough, you always look great to me. And you know that walk-in was a total accident.” This time he followed his remark with a wink. Velvet fake puked in her mouth at his cringyness.
“More bad dreams Tobes, any sign of Rissa yet?” Clarissa was their third and final roomie, pretty much opposite in every way to Velvet but they surprisingly got on very well. They liked to tease each other about their differences but never had a real falling out. Tobey was sweet and charming in every way to the both of them and despite his goofy nature, was probably the most stable of the three. Velvet may or may not have secret special feelings for him, but she wasn’t convinced either way yet. Tobey on the other hand had always made his feelings clear towards her, none of which had been taken seriously.
“She’s up and gone already, early start and swamped with studying for the final beauty exams next week.” He reminded her. Of course, Clarissa always had something to study for to make those top grades. Velvet never saw the point in studying, however. She lightly smacked a palm on her forehead, “of course, the exam, how could I forget. Guess I better get my sweet cheeks dressed and do something productive with my life too.” Velvet winked back at Tobey before carrying her coffee back up to her bedroom. “Well, here anytime you need to chat, you know that,” Tobey’s voice reached her halfway up the stairs.
“I know.” Velvet let a smile creep over her face as she replied. She set the mug on her computer desk before letting the fluffy robe fall to the floor. After pulling on a pair of ripped jeans and her favourite old band tee, she sat herself down at the desk and took another sip of coffee while waiting for the PC to boot up. She liked to have the most recent news as her homepage, having a scroll through something stood out. A headline.
24 YEAR OLD WOMAN HANGS SELF FROM TREE IN MANSFELD PARK.
Velvet clicked on the link, a lump got caught in her throat. “The now identified body of 24-year-old Samantha Porter was found hanging from a tree in Mansfeld park early this morning by a local walking his dog. Suicide is the most likely cause of death at this point, we await results from the autopsy. Family have yet to comment on Samantha’s death.” There was an inserted picture of the park, the field and trees that Velvet saw in her dream last night. Underneath was a picture of Samantha, happy, smiling. It was the same woman she had seen in her dream aswell. “We encourage any family, friends of Samantha or any witnesses to please contact the police at this time.”
Velvet’s head started to spin, how was this even possible? Maybe she read a similar headline last night and forgot about it, but how would she know the place and what the woman looked like if the news was posted after her dream? Tears began to blur her vision and run down her cheeks, she finally caught her breath.
The Girl and the Tree
As Velvet’s eyes slowly opened, her senses filled with the cool damp evening air. Blades of grass twined between her fingers, looking up she could see faint glimpses of stars appearing across the dimming sky. Realising she was laying down on a cold bed of grass she slowly raised her head enough to have a proper look at her surroundings. No buildings were in sight, the grassy field was sparsely covered in tiny daisies and lined with oak trees. Velvet arched her neck as far as it was able to go both ways and realised she was smack bang in the middle of the field, using her arms to prop up into a sitting position her eyes drew focus to something moving amongst the bottom of the trees directly in front of her, roughly 100 yards away. She squinted her eyes trying to gain more focus in the dim evening light. Cold drops of rain started to fall on her face, she looked back up at the sky as the rain got heavier making her shudder. Returning sight to the spot between the trees she noticed that whatever it was was slowly making its way up one of the larger oaks branches. Not being sure what kind of creature was climbing, Velvet slowly scrambled to her feet and started making small steps towards the direction of the tree. The rain fell heavy making her eyes blink frequently in attempt to bat the drops away with her lashes. Her body started to shiver more as her clothes got wetter and colder, wrapping herself in a hug she continued towards the tree.
She was close enough now to see that the climbing figure was no animal but in fact a woman, now several branches up the tree. The leaves of the great oak keeping her from the rain, she still seemed to be bone dry as her long dark hair blew around her face in the cool breezy night air. Velvet’s in contrast was now matted and wet around her face and shoulders, her clothes were soaked through. The woman wore a long white lace nightgown, her feet bare.
Velvet received no response, not even a glance at her direction. Nothing.
The woman instead began edging out onto the thick branch she was stood on, slowly and gracefully until she was near the middle of it. She took a few minutes standing there, staring out into the darkening damp field. Her clothes and hair being swept by the soft breeze looked like they were dancing to some calming inaudible music. Velvet caught glimpses of her face, long enough to see she had her eyes closed. After a few minutes she reopened her eyes, took in a long deep breath and lowered herself down to sit on the branch. Velvet moved so that she was standing directly underneath the branch and stared up, noticing the woman clutching something between her hands. Velvet used both of hers to wipe most of the rain from her face to get a better look. The woman began wrapping something around the tree branch next to where she sat, it was rope. Velvet’s eyes widened as she saw the woman securing the rope to the branch and seeing that the other end was already tied into a noose knot. She held it with both hands and stared at it before lifting it over her head and pulling it tight around her neck. Staring back out into the calm darkness of the field, the rain still fell heavily. Stars in the clear sky were more visible now and she stared at them before closing her eyes again.
“Hello? …What are you doing?” Velvet’s voice was full of cold desperate panic.
The woman still made no response.
Velvet gasped with horror as the woman edged off of the branch, free-falling several feet before the noose caught tight around her neck. Velvet put her hands up to her mouth and screamed into them as she jumped backwards, the woman’s body lifeless and swinging in front of her. She forced her eyes shut and sobbed into her hands. When she finally got the courage to open them again, she stared at the woman now hanging motionless from the tree. Still grasping her mouth, Velvet looked up at the woman’s face. Her eyes were still closed. Velvet realised she mustn’t have been any older than 25. Her body began to feel weak as she crumbled down to her knees, crying into the ground.
When she lifted her head again and looked around, she was back in her bed. Her breathing was rapid as the image of the woman’s body falling from the tree replayed in her head. She reached a shaking hand up to her face and felt a wet cheek. Taking deep breaths she pulled her covers up to her face, laying back down in bed trying to convince herself that it was just another horrible dream. Just another horrible dream.